My Brain Hates Me

This is my brain

This is my brain

My brain hates me.

Ever since I started back writing after the summer holidays, when I sit at my laptop and stare at the shambles that is my current work in progress, my brain shrugs and says, “nah, I got nothing.”

But 4 a.m. after a crazy day of laundry, school runs, home work sessions and Rainbows drop offs, it comes up with the most Technicolor, conflict-laden, heart-wrenching epic dreams.

Take last night: My dream included a man chasing me through a hotel, where the darn door locks wouldn’t work and I had to climb out the window, only to discover some pots by Tibetan Monks being sold as tourist junk, inscribed with, ‘free my people’ and ‘I live on one cup of rice every fourteen days’ (?!), and a journalist insisted on taking photos of me holding them in awkward poses, while in the background two people were uncovering a dead infant beneath the foundations of the hotel.

I mean, WTF? In the day time, I can’t decide if one of my lead characters in Finding Lucy is gay, but I can construct some warped version of an NCIS program in my sleep? Where’s the fairness in that?

I can only assume that my creativity is buried beneath Christmas shopping, school paperwork, reading homework, ironing, shopping, cooking and concern that hubbie is still between jobs, and it only manages to free itself from the shackles when my conscious brain is out for the count. I’m going to have to stop eating chocolate and reading Harry Potter at bedtime!

Oh for a virtual iPad to record my dreams, then I really would Be A Bestseller (I sent my entry in last week and now wait in terror for Friday, just in case by some scary freak accident I get selected and have to appear on TV!)

4 thoughts on “My Brain Hates Me

  1. Hi Amanda!!!! I have been blogging off and on and for some reason, your stuff doesn’t show up in my Reader anymore! BTW I love your drawing!!!! I am assuming one of your children did it.

    About that dream. Your anxiety about the book news on Friday, showed up in the form of a dead baby. (babies are creativity) Your fear. I wish I had dreams as explicit as that!!!!

    • I haven’t been blogging very often in the last few months, so it’s probably easy to miss me in the Reader!
      The dream interpretation is fascinating. I used to have a book on dreams, but I haven’t paid much attention to my dreams for a long time. I usually figure they come from the excess stimulation of TV, news and social media my brain tries to process during the day!
      Yes, the angry bird was coloured in by my son (I drew it for him). He shows more tendency to be a neat colourer than my daughter. That’s a virgo over an aquarius for you!

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