Repost: A Gentleman’s Guide to Rape Culture

I came across this article by Zaron Burnett on Huffington Post today and it’s a must-read for everyone (in my opinion)

“If you are a man, you are part of rape culture. I know … that sounds rough. You’re not a rapist, necessarily. But you do perpetuate the attitudes and behaviors commonly referred to as rape culture.

You may be thinking, “Now, hold up, Zaron! You don’t know me, homey! I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let you say I’m some sorta fan of rape. That’s not me, man!”

I totally know how you feel. That was pretty much exactly my response when someone told me I was a part of rape culture. It sounds horrible. But just imagine moving through the world, always afraid you could be raped. That’s even worse! Rape culture sucks for everyone involved. But don’t get hung up on the terminology. Don’t concentrate on the words that offend you and ignore what they’re pointing to — the words “rape culture” aren’t the problem. The reality they describe is the problem.

Men are the primary agents and sustainers of rape culture.

….”

Read More Here

8 thoughts on “Repost: A Gentleman’s Guide to Rape Culture

  1. The expression “rape culture” is going around lately. Our daughter was dressing alluringly (We told her not to…too tight shorts and too tight top, even though she is built rather slimly), and her therapist said we we wrong. We were just subscribing to “rape culture!”

    Well, there are many opinions coming from this mom. (me) I, first of all, like our daughter’s therapist, don’t think it’s the woman’s fault. I think the man has something to do with it. And secondly, I think women have to take some responsibility as well and try to dress nicely, not like they are going to a club. But in our culture, where no one assumes responsibility for anything, “rape culture” sums it up! Thanks, Amanda for letting me vent!

    • I’m also torn because I was brought up not to dress as if ‘I was asking for it’ and I find myself worrying over what my children are wearing in case there are perverts around. But the point is no one EVER comments on what a lad is wearing and whether it’s going to give someone the wrong idea about their sexual availability. We think and feel the way we do because WE were raised in this culture that controls women. We have to fight our upbringing while also protecting our daughters. It’s a tightrope. That’s why it’s refreshing to see a man acknowledging how stupid and dangerous it is.
      The point about vulnerability is key. When I lived in a city I felt vulnerable ALL THE TIME. It’s no way to live. I’ve been touched up more times than I can count, catcalled and told I don’t need to speak a second language ‘because I’m blonde’. That isn’t the world I want my daughter growing up in. And it’s only by talking about it and highlighting the pervasiveness of the ideas that women are any way to blame that anything will change.
      Sorry, my turn to rant! Follow The Belle Jar blog for many articles on the subject!

      • You bring up some good points. It’s a hard thing for me to walk (the tightrope), because of having a daughter (adopted since three months), beautiful daughter…..And where some of her friends, less attractive, could get away with the club look, my daughter got the cat calls and was literally attacked many, many times (like every date and non date)….so it is a balancing act. She has her own style. She is a dancer. She’ll have to deal with her look, but we’ve tried to tell her to be careful..I am saying the same thing all over again. Intellectually, I see it, but practically, raising an extremely beautiful girl, (as I see yours will be someday) I see it another way. 🙂

      • Oh yes, intellectual and practical are very different things. Hard to be a mother of girls. I feel it because I have one of each and notice I tell my daughter not to flash her legs in public, but not my son. It hurts. But equally we have to acknowledge the world we live in while also trying to change it. I have to educate my son as well as my daughter – give her the message that what she wears matters, but not let him hear and judge women by what they wear…
        I long to move to the Outer Hebrides and raise my family off the grid!

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