Kristen Lamb recently posted an article about how Writers Building a Platform Have NO Private Life On-Line.
It was a difficult post for me to read, because I am naturally a very private person (I would guess most writers are) and it’s tough to learn how much we have to push ourselves out of our comfort zone. It was also tough for me, because she wrote specifically about Facebook and how writers shouldn’t have a Facebook fan page separate to their regular profile page.
Kristen says writers make the mistake of thinking that their regular page is for acting human and a fan page is “for the professional face and self-promotion.” She explains that, in reality:
The regular page is essential for connecting with people and creating the emotional bonds that will eventually translate into a vibrant, passionate author platform filled with readers. We connect talking about kids, laundry, missing socks, vacations, hard days at work and griping about the weather. All these everyday events are how we forge friendships.
She also says that you shouldn’t assume your friends aren’t interested in your writing. Friends read books and know people who read books, and so social media should be across all channels if you hope to sell books.
Normally I fully embrace everything on Kristen Lamb’s blog, even if I don’t think I can implement it myself. And I have no doubt she’s right about this too. However it’s not right for me. Facebook is my sacred place. I am particular about who I accept as a friend on my profile page. Basically it has to be someone I’d happily show half-naked pictures of my kids in the paddling pool to.
Tonight I realised why Kristen and I are both right.
Family Martin went to a friend’s annual birthday barbecue, after a manic day which included Kara’s first Dog Show (more on that tomorrow) and a children’s party. It’s been a couple of years since we’ve made it to the summer barbecue and in many instances it’s the first time we’ve seen our friends in that time. But we didn’t need to catch up, because we follow each other’s lives on Facebook.
Our friends didn’t say “Look how much the kids have grown!” because they saw pictures of the kids in the paddling pool last week. They didn’t ask, “Why are you late?” but rather, “How was the kids’ party?” because we’d posted on Facebook that we were double booked and would be late.
Many evenings I trawl Facebook looking for something interesting, thinking I’m wasting precious writing time. In fact I’m really kind of down the pub with my mates, catching up on gossip and laughing at friends’ jokes. I share silly things the children have done and in turn commiserate with friends who are struggling with teething babies or boring jobs.
If I was constantly talking about writing, or if I knew I had an external audience, I would be more on my guard. I would protect the children more (I already feel I post too much about the kids on my blog). Similarly, if I had more friends that were people I didn’t know, my timeline would be even more cluttered than it already is and I’d miss more of the important stuff.
I know you can control that with lists – same as you can on Twitter. But I struggle with HooteSuite trying to see Tweets I want to see under all the promotional stuff. If that happened on Facebook too, I would lose my sanity. I would also lose my downtime at the pub. Actually, Facebook is more like a big private party than a pub. One where I know everyone by name and I know they all ‘get’ me. It’s a safe place.
But Kristen is right too (of course!) I do need to write a bit more about my books on my private site. I post some stuff but Facebook is selective about what it shows people.
Last night, a good friend who I last saw at my art exhibition two years ago asked, “How’s the art?” I had to explain that I’ve written and published two novels and seven volumes of a serial novel since then. Her response was, “How is it I haven’t heard about your writing?”
Hmmm social media fail!
The best moment of the night for me was finally meeting an old friend of my husband’s for the first time. For various reasons I haven’t met him in person in the 9 years I’ve known my hubbie. But he smiled as we walked in and gave me a huge hug as if I’d known him all my life. Why? Apart from being the most amazing person, he’s been my friend on Facebook for a year or two. He comments on my posts and photos of the kids and we share views on other things he posts. I felt like we’d always been friends and not at all like I was meeting him for the first time.
So, I apologise if my Facebook WriterMummy page is only updated once a day and mostly with stuff about writing, rather than silly pictures of the kids. I apologise if I’m alienating people by keeping my Facebook profile page closed. Maybe I’m not ready to be an author in the twenty-first century. That said, I am myself on my WriterMummy page, on Twitter and definitely here on the blog. Just maybe the me I’d be at a coffee shop, knowing strangers are listening, rather than the me I am after a glass of cider at a friend’s birthday bash.
And if that loses me sales, I’ll have to live with that. Some things are more important than money.
Below is the next installment in my novel Two-Hundred Steps Home: written in daily posts since 1st January as part of my 2013 365 Challenge. Read about the challenge here.You can catch up by downloading the free ebook volumes on the right hand side of the blog:
Claire shifted on the bed, wondering why her pillow felt lumpy. She swallowed and panicked as her airway felt closed with grit. Sitting up, she grabbed at the wall as her vision whirled and hot shards stabbed at her head.
Peering round the semi-dark room, memories flickered through her mind, as if she had looked upon the space several times, but each time it was slightly altered, like a spot the difference. In her mind the memories were sometimes of a dark room, sometimes of a sunlit space. Different bags by the beds. Voices, conversations, laughter, all blurred together like a dream-sequence in a movie.
The room was empty now, although rumpled duvets and scattered belongings suggested it was still fully occupied. Reaching behind her, Claire realised her lumpy pillow was actually her handbag. A quick check revealed nothing was missing. Her rucksack still slumped against the bed where she had dropped it, who knew how many hours before.
How long have I been asleep?
As the dark receded and the memories clarified, like a photograph coming into focus, Claire guessed she had been asleep on and off for a day or more. Looking down, she saw she was still wearing the clothes she’d put on Saturday morning, when she left her sister’s house. She tried to work out what day it was, but her mental calculations made the hot needles bury further in her brain.
Fumbling through her bag for her phone, Claire switched it on and searched for something to tell her what time and day it was, both in New Zealand and back home.
Well, it’s 5am back home. No wonder I’m tired. Checking the calendar, Claire stared at the neon words until they went fuzzy. Tuesday?! It’s Tuesday? What the hell? She sniffed, No wonder I stink. I’ve been wearing these clothes for three days.
Her phone beeped, as it picked up a local signal, and a text message trilled its arrival. Then another, and another. Claire’s hands shook as she realised the enormity of her actions.
I’m in New Zealand. I’m on the other side of the world! No one knows I’m here. I’ve been out of touch for days. Anything could have happened.
Her stomach squirmed with hunger and nerves as she flicked through the messages. Two were service messages, welcoming her to New Zealand. One was from Ruth, relaying her mother’s anger at the abandoned Skoda. One informed her of a voice message and one was from Kim. Heart pounding, Claire opened it.
Hi Claire, it’s Jeff. I’ve borrowed Kim’s phone. Just wanted to say, it’s not your fault. Kim needs you. Don’t give up on her, please.
Claire tried to swallow, and realised how parched she was. She stared at the message for several moments, then closed it. Time enough to work out how to respond later. If Jeff was using Kim’s phone she couldn’t reply directly to him anyway.
Hoping her work account was still active, Claire rang her voicemail to retrieve the message. I’d better add a new phone and contract to my to-do list, before Carl thinks to shut me down.
The message was from Conor, asking her if she’d had time to reconsider the job offer. Claire flushed guiltily as she remembered her promise to let him know on Monday. Vowing to send him an email, and remembering that she also needed to email Roger, she made a quick note before chucking her phone back in her bag.
Pulling out her wash-bag and some clean clothes, Claire stuffed her handbag back under the pillow and went in search of the bathroom.
Out of sight, out of mind, right?
I think you’reyou’re absolutely right to keep your family facebook just that. All for the excellent reasons you describe above.
I must have missed an episode of Claire. I”ll have to go back and found out how she got to be here. I think my reader page needs thinning.x
It’s hard to keep up, sorry! You only need to go back to the beginning of August. I follow a weekly story on Apprentice Never Master and I missed an episode and now I’m way behind. I have to subscribe to the emails because my Reader is chocka!
I do subscribe to the emails. Perhaps that’s what I have to thin down. The reader becomes almost unmanageable. I wake in the morning to check and can’t believe what has appeared. I scroll through, pause, like, comment or not and move on. I’m pretty sure I am missing a lot.x
Oh me too! There aren’t enough hours in the day. I’ve had to change some (especially daily bloggers!) to weekly digests. That’s why I’m both amazed and grateful that anyone keeps up with my daily madness!
I keep my personal facebook account and page separate as well. I guess I can sort of see the chatty stuff, but to be honest, it’s not what I want to hear from an author if I like their facebook page. I’m their to hear about their professional life, not their kids. The occasional post is good, lets me see that they’re human, but I don’t need to hear every little detail!
I agree. That’s why I found Kristen’s post hard, because I’m happy for authors to have a private life online. Sometimes it’s better. I’ve read personal things by authors and it’s put me off them and their writing. I like a bit of mystique! 🙂
I’ve always heard that it’s best to keep your personal Facebook page separate from your author one. And that makes sense to me for all the reasons you mentioned, Amanda. And I really like your closing line: “And if that loses me sales, I’ll have to live with that. Some things are more important than money.” I find myself thinking things like that a lot–because I too don’t know if I’m ready to be an author in the twenty-first century. But I guess all we can do is be who we are and do what feels appropriate for us, trusting in the process.
Thank you for your comment. Yes, I agree. It’s important to research what the experts are saying about how to market yourself and your books, but you need to stay within the bounds of your own I was going to say comfort zone, but I think it’s more than that. Writers need to be pushed out their comfort zone or we’d all be hiding in caves. I guess it’s Values. We need to stay true to our own values or we risk losing ourselves entirely.
I absolutely get this. I am seriously thinking of opening another Facebook account where I can post pictures of McMini. I don’t want to show his picture to the world and its friends. And it’s not my call anyway, it’s his. But he’s too little to understand why it might be dodgy. But i worry because I don’t know who might be looking. But I do share stories about him and post things he says. I have an author page but I still can’t interact as my ‘professional’ persona because to do pretty much anything Facebook insists I do so as me.
I’ve liked your page anyway, so good luck.
Thank you. Yes it’s hard with the little ones. I blog about them so much and at the moment they don’t mind, but what about when they’re at school? A part of me wants to take the blog down after I finish my 365 Challenge so there’s no chance of them getting hurt or teased. The upside is I feel all my learning in the field of social media can only strengthen my position as a parent!